DEPTH… The only word that describes the extreme sensitivity of my being. If I were to hold my heart in my hand, peeling each layer until I could expose its core, it would resemble tiers of the universe paring apart: never-ending. I do not know how to differentiate between madness and disparity, but embedded within my flesh is an awakened heart, zealous and eager to express every emotion and feeling.
How interesting this is to me – after exchanges of conversation with people for relief, I find myself searching for more cracks in my soul. I want every ounce of my pain and happiness to consume me. I want to chew on it until I have tasted every flavor. My mind tells my heart how cowardly it is to try to numb emotion, so I bask in these magical triggers deep within my bones. Let it all happen to me so I can prepare for growth. I want to see flowers bloom in the darkest parts of my mind.
This is why I especially appreciate pain. When I allow myself to talk to my pain, I am doing a beautiful thing for myself. Pain tests my internal awareness – I can either let it destroy me or let it move me. It is a necessary cursor in teaching me how to heal the parts of myself that are the weakest. When the pain becomes too excruciating to stomach, I naturally stop bearing it, but flowing through my pain ultimately recreates my life in a vibrant way.
Which makes me question this societal notion that emotional vulnerability is an abhorrent weakness. No – it’s authentic. I find that vulnerability builds connections with the inner self and with other people and their humanness. In a world of darkness, I refuse to not bring light to mine. My vulnerability helps me create my art and decorate my soul. It helps give my discoveries of life meaning.
My sensitivity is my passion and my obscenity. My testimonies deserve to be protected and defended. I will continue to wear my moments of pain as proudly as I wear my moments of happiness. I owe my heart and mind this much because they keep me alive. I will only give the uncut and exposed version of myself. My openness keeps me productive and evolving, and practicing this rewards me with an extraordinary peace of mind and a transparent paragon of who I am.
And I really like myself.
So this is for those that are out there that feel things deeply too: Keep feeling. I’m with you.
Keep your sanity and never apologize for feeling deeply.